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| Till the Wheels Come Off |
Dear Karen,
This is Hank. Hank from your past.
I hope you do remember me. Even if you don’t, no worries. But that would kind of make me sad thou. That I wasn’t good enough to be a part of your memory. I am writing this not to tell you about how good we were together and how our lives would have been, if we stuck it out. I just wanted to tell you that I am thankful to you for a multitude of reasons. Reasons that were unknown to me for long, not until recently. Sometimes people make a difference more when they are invisible because we come to terms of their importance in the void that they create after they leave. Perhaps this is one of them. I am writing this to say thank you that you made me who I am today, may not be perfect, well who is but grown enough to understand things in their entirety and subtlety that I didn’t do before. We may not be as close now that we were in the past, but still sometimes I do see you in things that I need counsel on and you have been on my side since then. I am not sure if this regular or serious when you do visit me in my dreams, with vivid remembrance to make a point or two. Well I may not have been completely out of your hangover, but what I surely do know is that we do not belong together for sure now. We did take vows but that’s for another day to discuss. In a sense that it didn’t work out and now that you have moved on, you are happy handling different responsibilities in a world completely different as mine. The fact that you didn’t get back to me for once in the past 4 years suggests that you may have been doing very very well in your new world. Sad I couldn’t be a part of it. May be we both wanted it and it didn’t happen. May be we didn’t want it and so it didn’t happen. Whatever the reason is I am sure you have moved on. I may not be that way but I am trying. You see sometimes time has to be kept on hold not because we want to seize the moment but because to keep reminding us, the exact situation that we have kept avoiding for years.
I am sure you are happy as happy as you could be, you want to be and more importantly you deserve it to be. I heard you inquired about me from one of our common friends and I believe she didn't give as encouraging a news as I would have wanted her to give you, but still. Let me tell you this, Loving you has been the greatest treasure of my life. Letting you go has been the greatest mistake of my life and getting over you is perhaps the hardest thing that I would have to do, ever in life. It’s not a confession that I am making. I am being courageous enough to accept things as they are. As they always will be. May be tonight I am scribbling a bit more randomly than I should have but every point I make here is worth the randomness. Because in the process I am accepting and acknowledging the man I am today and the man I want myself to be. Far across in the oceans deep when the sun spreads its myriad of crimson rays, I often see a reflection of sorts, Well not your face for sure but a puzzle that I have still not been able to solve. I hope you do understand. May be that’s not important for you. But still. Now that I have lost things forever perhaps it’s time to settle down. To start things with a new hope, a new beginning a new perspective. I have been saying that for years now(Smiles).But yes I should. And in that sense thank you. For not coming back to me. Ever. Even with a single most excuse. I accept it. I admire it. And at the same time I feel it too.
So as you spend another day with your hubby, planning about your next holiday trip. As you flamboyantly take care of your daughter and give her the attention she always craves for. As you silently slip into that couch of yours with a subtle breeze passing through your face. As you immerse yourself in your daily chores to make your weekend another special one. I sit here to write this open letter to you, to say thank you. Had it not been for you, I would have never have had the courage to lift that pen for the first time in my life and write that famous novel of mine. To say thank you is to oblige and pay tribute to you for all the success I have ever achieved, for all the praise that I ever got. And for numerous fans out there who still consider me as their favorite icon. Without you all this wouldn't have been possible.
Thank You Karen. To say thank you to you is to oblige and it’s the greatest gift that I could ever give to you.
Regards,
Hank Moody
